Edward Tedson Sesay.
London, UK.
There is no doubt that the majority of families that migrate to the West do so for economic and social betterment: the need to better their lives, the lives of their children and the provision of some kind of support to family members left home. To achieve this, the adults in the family resolve that a job is a job and that anything goes as long as the oil of the sterling, euro or dollar greases the palm at the end of the week.
Once we get a bit settled, with or without the right immigration status, we feel the pressing need to get into a job and start earning for the clock is already ticking fast and they must begin to work towards the realisation of the goals for which every effort, time and resource were sacrificed to penetrate the “promised land”, not forgetting also that those left behind are already counting the days, weeks, months and years during which we have been absent from home.
The personal ambition to become a materially better person combined with the need to live up to the expectations of those left behind become our preoccupation and in no time, we are transformed into breathing, thinking robots who work round the clock like nobody’s business. We travel the longest distances to take up the meanest of jobs, and many endure the worst experiences of degradation and frustration to earn a minimum wage. If as it is said, “our papers are not straight”, the misery quadruples in every respect. Many however ask, “do all these troubles matter anyway if we compare life yesterday at home and life today in the host country”? Clearly, the fact that the immigrants continue to live in the host country year in and year out says unequivocally that we believe we are better off than we were back home. Is this really the case in every respect?
The Harsh Realities
Economic prosperity for many immigrants comes with a high price. It has tough and far reaching repercussions for our families and in this article, I will direct my attention mainly to the massive impact the new life has on the academic, emotional and social development of some of our children. The parents in many immigrant families work long hours and the work pattern can be erratic and this leaves parents with little chance to plan any meaningful activities with their children. Common work patterns include what is called a “long day.” The shortest “long day” can be a 7 a.m. till 7 p. m. shift, and a typical long day can be a shift between 7 a.m. till 9 p.m. In some families, both parents work nights and this is common where the mother is either a health care assistant or nurse, and the father is a security officer working between 12 and 14 hour shifts. Where there are adolescent children, they are left to care for the much younger ones while the parents are away, and if all the children are still babies or toddlers, they spend those many hours away from home with nannies/child minders many of whom are un-registered and untrained. 12 -14 year olds are sometimes left home alone with strict instructions not to answer the phone or open the door to anyone. All these have unpleasant consequences, but our work must go on as we have the rent and bills to pay and financial targets to meet. Indeed, meeting financial targets at a high price!
Poor Quality Bonding Between Parent and Child
Long and erratic working hours for parents mean there is little or no time for the children and this affects the quality of what in Child Development is called Attachment: that deep and enduring connection established between a child and his carer in the early years of life. The sad reality is that, because many immigrant parents have little time with their children, poor quality attachment is developed and this impacts on the children’s social functioning, well being and competency and this can have a profound influence on every aspect of the child’s life as he grows. Children without touch, stimulation, and nurturing can literally lose the capacity to form any meaningful relationships for the rest of their lives. The problems that result from this can range from mild interpersonal discomfort to profound social and emotional problems. In general, the severity of problems is related to how early in life, how prolonged, and how severe the emotional neglect has been. Thus while it is important that the rent and bills are paid in order to keep a roof over our children’s heads, it has to be remembered that the impact on children of emotional neglect can be even worse than the effect of not living in standard accommodation.
Low Educational Achievements
Children whose parents work too many hours have less chance of performing brilliantly at school. The parents have no time to read books together with their children and help out with home work or take them on trips to the library. Once the parent is not at home, it cannot be guaranteed that a child will go to bed or wake up on time, do his home work or even bother to go to school. While other parents have time to visit their children’s schools, attend parents’ evenings and Parent-Teacher meetings and speak to teachers, the average immigrant parent’s mind is preoccupied with sorting out the work rota for the next few weeks. In this way, the education of our children suffers. It cannot be denied that many children from immigrant families have gone through school with no qualifications and the aftermath often being, unemployment, frustration, involvement with the criminal justice system and on some occasions, mental illnesses.
When The Cat’s Away, The Mice Will Play
Children enjoy playing the role of adults when their parents are away. In some of our immigrant families, adolescents are left to care for themselves and their younger siblings and in many ways, they experiment with the things that adults would normally do. The sad consequences are usually: watching adult TV channels, early sex, early pregnancies, premature parenthood, alcohol and drugs right in their parents’ homes. There are many true stories of parents who have returned home and found their teenage daughters with boyfriends naked and drunk in their parents’ beds. Sadly, Most of these parents ( especially if they are illegal immigrants ) dare not raise their voice for fear that their own children might call the police or social worker and report either emotional, sexual or emotional abuse. Indeed, a 12 -14 hour shift for the parent is more than enough time for adolescents to play or mess around and ruin their future, and before the toiling immigrant parent realizes what is going on at home, irreparable damage may have been done.
Poor Food Choices
Long work hours and irregular schedules mean more time away from family, less time for household food work, difficulty in maintaining a regular meal pattern and less opportunity for participating in family meals. Often, many absent parents give money to their children who prefer to buy buckets full of chips and chicken or other forms of unhealthily prepared “take aways”. The impact of this can have a devastating impact on the children many of whom suffer obesity problems.
The Last Word
Home is the place where children first learn how to limit their wishes, abide by rules and consider the rights and needs of others. To acquire this learning, they need the presence of a caring and assertive adult to provide guidance and enforce boundaries. An ever absent parent is not likely to be able to fulfill this role. For immigrant children to know where they want to go in life, they need a committed parent to help them know who they are. It is said, “a wise father knows his own child”, but unfortunately for many immigrant families, the need to pay the bills makes it impossible for parents to know their own children. It is not unusual that many children with great potential slip through the net because of the circumstances of their parents, and while the aim of many an immigrant parent is to make way for a better future for their children, many children end up in worse circumstances than they would have been had the parents not migrated. Indeed while the home countries of many immigrants are viewed as lands of economic hardship, they remain a treasured source of core moral values that continue to give coherence and meaning to everyday life. The host countries offer little in respect of these values and many of our children are quickly swallowed up by the new culture. Indeed, this is the high price that many of us pay for the material prosperity we enjoy.
In conclusion, I wish to emphasize here that this article is not intended to harshly judge immigrant parents who work many hours to meet their children’s physical needs of food, clothing, shelter and presents. On the contrary, it appreciates the struggles of these toiling, well meaning parents who however need to be alerted to the fact that, it will be in their children’s best interest to work out a healthy balance between work and family. In the words of Jesse Jackson, “Your children need your presence more than your presents.”
